Rating: 3/5 stars
*The following review is quite long and will likely ruffle feathers. This is my brutally honest opinion about this book. I mostly liked this book but would only recommend with caution for my Christian friends or my stay-at-home mom friends.
This book is fascinatingly frustrating. I started out loving it and understanding why it is a bestseller. As the book went on, I became more and more irritated and then frankly upset. The good chapters are interspersed with the frustrating chapters.
There were a couple of concepts early on that stuck out to me and seemed helpful:
(1) We should keep the promises we make to ourselves. This chapter really spoke to me because it is a concept that has literally never occurred to me (and I am what most people would consider a "go-getter." If I want/need something, I usually make it happen. But I began to realize while listening to this chapter that lately I truly haven't been prioritizing the promises and commitments that I make to myself, big or small. When you constantly break even small promises to yourself, it trains you that this is acceptable behavior and it damages your ability to commit and follow through on anything! At first it seems selfish that you would prioritize what you need. However, what it really does is help you be wiser about the kinds of commitments you are making.
(2) It's a lie that you are only worth something if you are producing. I'm not an extreme workaholic like the author explains that she is, although if I had a job outside the home, I can certainly see myself having this issue. This chapter hit hard because I definitely feel like I always have to be doing something. If I am sitting down, I can't just BE.
Later on, I also truly enjoyed the chapter on weight and the chapter on alcohol. Lately, there has been a lot of uproar about people who say that being obese isn't healthy. (They are pretty much crucified on social media as "attacking women.") While the attitude to accept yourself no matter what might be okay for our mental health, it's not healthy for us physically. The author makes it a point to emphasize that our weight and appearance aren't the things that matter most: how we take of our bodies is what matters most. I appreciate this immensely, and it somehow seems to be a little bit of a unique message in our society. We have one camp saying there's no problem being 600 pounds, while the other condemns women who don't meet their standard of beauty. Hollis's message on weight and taking care of yourself is solid (although I personally don't agree when she says that it's a "very simple" matter of calories in vs. calories out. It's absolutely more complicated in many cases. Metabolism and the human body are necessarily complicated. But that's a minor quibble in an otherwise great chapter.
What she says about alcohol is also insightful. We sometimes don't even realize how much we are relying on it until it is too late. Drinking is SO societally acceptable, and we don't realize we are using alcohol as a crutch, and then it starts to do more and more damage. This chapter is a good one.
While there is much wonderful insight to be gleaned from this book, there are some things that I wholeheartedly disagree with and did not care for about this book. When I got to the chapter "Loving Him is Enough for Me," I thought it was going to be a great chapter for all those women who allow themselves to be mistreated because they just can't let go of that one toxic relationship, that one person they love so much they can't even stand it. Then she told a story about a person who treated her terribly and about how she stood up to him... and then took him back (that person was her husband). Now, it's great that she and her husband are happy together. That's wonderful. But she undermined her entire point (the chapter wasn't about mercy or forgiveness, either of which would have been a totally fine theme.) So this chapter was really just confusing and irritating. The chapter on sex was needlessly awkward and not at all helpful to me personally, although I am sure it could be helpful to others.
As I continued on in this book, it became clear to me that she is using MANY of her chapters to justify her choice to be not only a working mom but be a working mom who is largely absent from the home. She brings up "her media company with millions of followers" in nearly every chapter and talks about "following her dreams" almost as much. She even says at one point that she knows her children will understand and essentially forgive her absence when they are older because they will know that she was setting an example to "follow her dreams." No. Just no.
Children know that you are absent because your job is more important. When they get older, they will know that you were absent because your job was more important. That's how it works.
In the chapter about "making yourself smaller," she goes on and on about how she spent years struggling with "mom guilt" about not being there like other moms. And she essentially equates "being small" with "limiting yourself" and staying home and taking care of kids. She pretty much mocks the working moms that say that being a mother is their main job (she says they are so much MORE than just a mother, like it's somehow BAD to believe that motherhood is your main calling?) AND (this made me almost want to stop reading) she throws out the line "men never get asked if they are guilty for not being home" and talks about the "patriarchy." Gag. Then she said something about how the world will tell her sons that their possibilities are endless, but it will tell her daughter something different. Again, NO. That's false, and I'm honestly pretty ticked off that I got most of the way into the book without realizing that she was going to be throwing out the feminist agenda.
There are some really great chapters, some very insightful and profound words of wisdom in this book (For example, I was almost clapping when she said that writing was a divine gift from God. Onw thing she didn't say but that I believe is that it is a divine pursuit because it is an actual aspect of God's character. We love creating because HE is the ultimate creator!) but they are almost overwhelmed by a clear message of justification for being mostly absent from the home and pursuing her own goals with abandon. She is very confident and says she has made peace with her decisions in her life, but it's a little too much whining and lamenting followed by justification for me to believe that. ***Please don't misunderstand me, I don't think that working moms are doing ANYTHING wrong by being working moms. But this author in particular makes it very clear that her career (her "dream") is THE most important thing. It comes across like the kids are an accessory. That, I do disagree with. There is a difference between being confident and empowered and being selfish. The Bible verses and biblical concepts that are at first thrown out seemingly randomly become very trite as the book goes on because she is using them (again) to justify how she wants to live her life. And the "judge not" messages that are thrown in at every opportunity are shallow, especially when you understand that MOST people use that message to make themselves feel better about how they are living their life.
Women DO need to understand concepts like "You are not measured by your productivity" or "Don't let people push you around." So some of what she has to say is spot on and uplifting. However, women don't need to be fed the feminist LIE that they are somehow victims that have to overcome a patriarchal society, and that being at "home in the kitchen" makes you LESS. Women DON'T need to be told that staying at home makes them less worthwhile than someone who is "pursuing their dream." Selfishness is not godly.
It is my opinion that sometimes being "liberated" isn't the best thing. Sometimes we need to be grounded. Sometimes we don't need to have our heads in the clouds. Sometimes we can't have it all. Sacrifices have to be made. No one should have to live life full of guilt, but we can't delude ourselves into thinking that if we are pursuing our own personal "dream" all day every day, that's not going to have consequences. I think that's where this book misses the mark. Women (people in general) should be happy, fulfilled, and confident in themselves, and I am happy to have heard the concepts of this book, BUT we have to be realistic and realize that humility and selflessness do not make us less!
Overall, I think this book has the potential to help a lot of women (and, based on reviews, it HAS helped a lot of people.) So many of the concepts are incredibly powerful and positive. The author clearly has a passion for empowering women, and she is confident, intelligent, and has a reasonably good head on her shoulders. Just because I intensely disagree with her on several key things doesn't make this a bad book. However, women should approach this book with caution.
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